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Custody & Visitation
photo of a father and son looking at a book

This page tells you about:

  1. How to reduce custody-related conflict between parents
  2. How the court gets involved in custody and visitation
  3. Types of custody
  4. How to get or change a court order for custody or visitation
  5. How to fill out your court forms
  6. When and how to use a Request for Order
  7. Supervised Visitation providers
  8. How to sign up for Teen Orientation

If you would like to see information about a particular case or find out about a hearing date, visit our Case Info website . However, you will not be able to look up information about certain cases that are confidential, including cases involving custody petitions for parents who have not married.

  1. How to reduce custody-related conflict between parents

    Remember: The way you and the other parent act affects your children.

    Here are some tips on how to talk to each other:
     
    • Be polite, just like you would be at work. Do not use bad language or call each other names.
    • Stay on the subject. Don’t talk about other issues.
    • Focus on doing what is best for your child.
    • Control your emotions, just like you would do at work. If you can’t stay in control, agree to talk at another time.
    • Be clear and specific when you talk to the other parent. Write things down and keep businesslike records of your agreements and appointments. Do not change plans without first discussing the change with the other parent.
    • To be sure each parent has the same information, write down what you have talked about and send a copy to the other parent.
    • Keep your promises. Your children need to be able to trust and rely on you. This is very important right now.
    • Do not talk about custody problems if one of you is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.
    • Do not talk about custody if the children are around.
    • When you pick up or drop off the children to the other parent, say only "hello" and "good-bye".
    • Do not send messages to the other parent with your child.
    • Try to talk to teachers, doctors, or other involved professionals together. This can help resolve differences of opinion about what is best for your children.
    • If the child is with you, you are responsible for the child’s daily care. But, do not make any important changes in the child's educational or medical care without first discussing it with the other parent.
    • Above all, try to work with the other parent for the good of your children. Do this for your children's happiness and success in life. They will feel more comfortable and secure and know that you both cared enough about them to make their life free of conflict.
    Families Change

    The State Administrative Office of the Court has videos for children, teens, and parents covering some of the issues involved in divorce and custody. See Families Change - Your Guide to Separation and Divorce.

  2. How the court gets involved in custody and visitation

    California law says that Judges must keep the “best interest” of your children in mind when deciding on custody. California laws have changed a lot in the last few years. Courts no longer automatically give custody to the mother instead of the father, even if your children are young.

    Courts cannot deny your right to custody or visitation just because you were never married to the other parent, or because you or the other parent has a physical disability, or a different, or minority lifestyle, religious belief or sexual preference.

    In most cases, parents can make their own agreements for custody and visitation. If you and the other parent agree on custody, the judge will probably approve your agreement. If you cannot agree, the judge will send you to mediation and a mediator will help you.

    If you still cannot agree, you and the other parent will meet with the Judge to discuss your case again. This is called a Judicial Custody Conference (JCC). If you still do not agree, you will be ordered to go through an in-depth process called an Assessment. After the Assessment, the judge will decide your custody and visitation schedule.

    Remember: the best plan is a plan that is good for your children. Change is hard for children. Research tells us that if both parents are active in their kids’ lives and do not fight over custody and visitation schedules, the children will usually do much better.

  3. Types of custody

    There are two kinds of custody: legal and physical.

    Legal custody

    Legal custody means who makes the decisions about the children’s health, education and welfare. This includes deciding where the children go to school or whether they should get braces on their teeth.

    If the parents share joint legal custody, both parents can ask schools and doctors for information about the children. It is important to be clear about who makes which decisions so that there is no disagreement later on.

    Physical custody

    Physical custody refers to the time the children spend with each parent on a regular basis. For example, the children may be with one parent on school days and the other on weekends plus a mid-week dinner visit. The parents can split the holidays and vacation periods.

    Sometimes, if the parents live near each other and they get along as parents, the children go back and forth without an exact schedule. Most parents need a schedule.

    Joint physical custody is a good choice for parents who can agree on a plan on their own or with a mediator’s help. It requires cooperation, flexibility and good communication between the parents.

    Sometimes, a judge gives both parents joint legal custody, but not joint physical custody. This means both parents have equal responsibility for important decisions in the children’s lives. But, the children live with one parent most of the time. The parent who does not have physical custody usually has scheduled time with the children.

    Parents should talk to a lawyer about physical and legal custody before making a final agreement.

  4. How to get or change a court order for custody or visitation

    To get or change a court order for custody or visitation, you must file forms at the Clerk’s Office. The forms you need depend on your situation.

    If you:

    • Are married to the other parent: File a divorce or legal separation or a Petition for Custody and Support of Minor Children

    • Are not married to the other parent: File a parentage action

    • Are not the biological parent and there is no existing Family Court file about the children: Talk to a lawyer. You may be able to file to start a guardianship case with the Probate Court

    • Are not a biological parent and there is a Family Court file for the Family: See a lawyer or the Self-Help Center to see if you can join into that action. If there is no Family Court file, you may have to file to start a Guardianship case. See the Probate section of this website for information on Guardianship.

    • Have an existing Department of Child Support Services (DCSS)  case and paternity is established for the child(ren): See a lawyer or Family Law Facilitator or Self-Help Center to start a parentage case to ask for custody and visitation orders or to see if you can file in the DCSS case. Have an existing case, file papers to ask the court to change (or modify) court orders. It does not matter how old your case is.

    • Are filing to ask for a Restraining Order to protect you from domestic violence, you can also ask for custody and visitation orders. You cannot file to change orders in a restraining order case unless you filed the restraining order papers in a case to establish parentage or divorce/legal separation.

    The law says parents who do not agree on custody or visitation MUST go to mediation. Contact Family Court Services to schedule Parent Orientation and Mediation.

  5. How to fill out your court forms

    If you are filing a divorce or paternity action, you can:

  6. When and how to use a Request for Order
     

    What is a Request for Order and when to use it

    If you have an existing case or are ready to file a divorce/legal separation or parentage case, you can start by filing a Request for Order asking for the custody or visitation orders you want. These forms are in addition to the forms you need to start your divorce/legal separation or parentage case.

    A Request for Order is a court order that tells the other parent (party) to come to court. You can file at any time during your case -- even after your divorce is final.

    You can use a Request for Order to ask the Court:  

    • For your first custody or visitation orders
    • To change the custody or visitation orders you have now
    • To tell the other parent to contact Family Court Services to go to Parent Orientation and Mediation
    • For emergency custody or visitation orders (or to change the orders you have now because of an emergency situation)

    If you want to file the Request for Order yourself, read the information on forms, below.

    Forms you will need

    If you are the one filing the Request for Order, you are the "moving party." Fill out this form:

  7. If you need emergency custody, visitation or restraining orders, also file:  

    You also need this form to give to the other parent:

    You can download all the forms you need to file a Request for Order for free. Just use the links in this section. For help go to the Court's Self-Help Center. Click here for forms on the Judicial Council State Form web page .

    Fill out your forms neatly in blue or black ink.

    How to file the Request for Order Forms

    Step 1: Fill out the forms

    If you have an existing case, no matter how old, use the same case title and case number. The parent who was the "Petitioner" or "Respondent" in the old case, will be called the same in the new filing.

    For instructions on how to fill out your forms, go to the Court's Self-Help Center.

    After you fill out your forms, make three copies (for you, the other party, and one extra). The original is for the Court

    Step 2: File the forms

    Take your completed forms to the Calendar/Clerk's office and ask for a hearing date.

    If you need Temporary Orders for custody and cannot wait until your hearing, take your forms to the Document Examiner. A Judge will decide within 24 hours. You may have to give the other parent a copy of your papers first before the Judge will make a decision.

    When you file your forms, the clerk will ask you to pay a fee. If you don’t have enough money to pay the fees, ask the clerk for a fee waiver packet. See more information on Fee Waivers with links to fee waiver forms that can be accessed online.

    Fill out the fee waiver forms, and turn your forms in to the Document Examiner. It will take 24 hours for the judge to decide if you pay the fees or not. The Clerk will stamp your copies and certify your Temporary Orders if you have any.

    Step 3: Serve the forms

    You must serve the other parent with endorsed/filed copies of the court forms at least 21 days before your hearing (or sooner if the Judge says so). You must have someone personally serve the other parent with copies of the forms you filled out and filed.

    This includes:

    The person who serves the other parent must also serve a blank copy of this form for the other parent to fill out:  

    Remember: You cannot serve the papers yourself.

    An adult (over 18) who is not involved in your case or a professional process server (you can find one in the telephone book) can serve the papers for you.

    The person who serves the papers must complete a Proof of Personal Service (State Form FL-330 ). The proof of service form says he or she has delivered the papers to the other party.

    If you need to serve papers to someone in custody, read this flyer: How to Serve Someone in
    Jail or Prison in California 
    .

    Step 4: File the Proof of Service

    File the original Proof of Personal Service with the Clerk’s Office as soon as possible and before your hearing. Bring a filed copy of the proof of service to your hearing.

    If you can't file the proof of service before the hearing, bring the original plus 2 copies to your hearing.

    Step 5: Go to your hearing

    Come to Court early. Look for your name on the court calendar. The calendar is near the door outside the courtroom. Make sure your case is listed on the calendar. If it is not listed, and your papers say this is the right date and time, show your papers to the deputy inside the courtroom or go to the Calendar Clerk.

    Remember: bring copies of all papers in your case, your copy of the filed proof of service, and any other documents that support your case. If you have any witnesses, make sure they come, too.

    Step 6: After the hearing

    After the hearing, any orders the Judge makes must be written down on court forms. You can ask the Judge for a referral to the Family Law Facilitator for help with the forms.

  8. Supervised Visitation Providers in Santa Clara County

    The Supervised Visitation Provider list  is a list of agencies known to the Court that provide supervised visitation. The list includes the agency or provider location, charges, contact information, special rules, languages spoken, and other related information.


  9. How to sign up for Teen Orientation

    Please read the Teen Orientation flyer  for more information about this program and how to sign up for a 1-hour session.

Also see Frequently Asked Questions about custody and visitation.

© 2014 Superior Court of California, County of Santa Clara